No one talked to Alfie on Monday.

On a brisk seaside walk on a Monday morn as Alfie walked to heel,
He caught on the breeze the incredible whiff of a decomposing seal,

Off Alfie flew and rolled with glee in that putrid decaying treat,
Before diving head long in the back of the car and passing out on the seat.

No one talked to Alfie on Tuesday.

On a brisk country walk on a Tuesday morn in dewy knee length grass,
Alfie caught on the breeze a distant whiff he could swear was a dead badgers arse,

Off Alfie flew in the hot morning sun til he found his rotting treasure,
Then in front of a horrified on looking crowd, he humped away at leisure.

No one talked to Alfie on Wednesday.

On a brisk forest walk on a Wednesday morn as he rounded a mouldy old log,
Alfie caught on the breeze the delectable whiff of a wonderfully stagnant bog.

Off Alfie flew and dived head long in that cooling oasis of stench,
Before drying off with a gleeful shake by a crowded picnic bench.

No one talked to Alfie on Thursday.

On a brisk city walk on a Thursday morn past the motorcars shiny and new,
Alfie caught on the breeze the scrumptious whiff of a steaming and freshly laid poo.

He tugged on his lead to the scene of the crime and scoffed the poo down in a race,
Before spinning around with incredible poise and licking a little girl’s face.

There were no brisk walks on Friday.

Behind a gate on a dull Friday morn, Alfie lay slumped on a matt,
When out of a tree and into the road leapt a beautiful tortoiseshell cat.

Off Alfie flew up and over the fence as if he had springs in his heels,
But before he could stop he was smashed off his paws by a friendly neighbour’s wheels.

Suddenly everyone talked to Alfie.

Alfie, Alfie….come on Alfie, come on dog.

He lay there still and before his eyes flashed all his favourite places,
Then he opened one up and looked over head to see all the worried faces.

They stroked his ears and wrapped him up in a cosy woollen jumper,
But the only damage that had really been done was a massive dent in the bumper!

The end