Offered for sale is this highly undesirable, incredibly cramped one bedroom ex-council flat, located on the 6th floor, which is ideal if you’re planning to regularly visit the 5th and 7th floors.

Comes complete with walls and windows, which cleverly allow light in while keeping the weather and other things out, although not always bricks, which is good to note.

The extreme ugliness and decay of the exterior acts as a deterrent, and means you’re less likely to become a statistic of the rampant crime wave sweeping the estate. It will also put off all buyers looking for a pleasant place to live, reducing the competition.

Inside, the cleverly positioned toilet in the kitchen means you can shit while you eat, saving time and space, which has been freed up for a panic room in the case of intrusion (the previous occupant informs us this is likely).

The damp has conveniently removed all the dull brown paint from the walls, so you don’t have to. And what’s more, the seller is in a complicated onward chain, which gives you the benefit of plenty of time to think about how you will improve the flat while you wait for him to move on.

Original features remain throughout, such as lead piping in the water supply, and while initially purpose built, this property is now unquestionably unfit for purpose, offering real flexibility to use as a dingy, uninhabited storage space if needed.

This is the ideal home for someone who doesn’t want the hassle of entertaining friends and has no interest in ever looking to impress a lover.